Saturday, January 21, 2012
Junkyard Quote Week 1, Entry 3
"Don't you just love looking back and realizing everything you've done until this point was complete crap? It's like, ok, well here we are. Now scratch all that and start over again--do it right this time, and pretend all those tears and hours of struggle were part of the learning experience."
Reportage Week 1, Entry 1
Sitting in the hallway, I have just finished munching chocolate fudge Poptarts and am trying half-heartedly to focus on some pamphlet about heroes and Star Wars. The Hi-C juice box I finished earlier is both demolished and lying on its crushed side beside me. Two girls emerge from my right, trampling up the staircase chatting. They are both loud, but one girl in her brown cowgirl-like boots is redefining ruckus as she walks almost heavy on one side. She isn’t fat or anything, just heavy. I'm pressing my nose into my world literature pamphlet when one of the girls pipes up.
"Did you know English classes go up to like... 4115?" she tells her friend and at this point the pamphlet becomes invisible. Mostly because there information is so wrong, as a 4210 student stands attested to, and I want to tell them how wrong they are. Then again, I’d hate to be rude. I glance over to them as they take their seat beside me in the hall. I later learn they're thirty minutes early for their film class. I’ve become very good at overhearing things, so I’m excited about what other incredibly incorrect comments they can spew out in that short time frame.
"I couldn't do that" the other girl groans, "can you imagine all that writing?"
And I'm thinking that they have no idea.
My eyes are still focusing on the pamphlet but I steal a few glances at the girl across the hall from me. This is the girl in the cowboy boots from earlier, brunette, blue jeans. I notice she has her purse clutched tightly to her side, the loops dangling off her shoulder but the bag pressed into her side as if forming into her. Her ankles form a compressed X. Her blonde friend takes a seat across the hall and pulls out her phone. She begins chatting about some guy I don't know and I’m disappointed in the abrupt change of conversation. I wonder if seeing Sturgis loom past the doorway of one of the classrooms deterred them, but a part of me thinks they might not even know who he is. I soon become bored with them. Aside from noting the slow drawl that lilts from the blonde girl's lips when she has to pronounce a short "a" sound, they're conversation becomes more background noise through a haze of learning.
"Did you hear what he said? Something about putting the brakes on sex."
I come back. Sex always brings you back. At this point I whip out a pen for an exact quote because I know this is going to be gold. The brunette shakes her head, and the blonde friend, now ecstatic, surfs madly through her cell phone. From the way her toe twitches in the corner of my eye I can tell she is not excited about the probably less than 3G service she is getting in this building. She finds it and my pen is already hitting the paper.
"I've got the sex drive, but the spirit is putting the brakes on it. Can you believe that?"
This is funny. Partly because who writes that kind of stuff on facebook? Partly because I know a guy who would write that kind of stuff on facebook. I imagine this guy in my head, some bent and broad smiling ladies’ man, flaunting words to win over attention and facebook likes. At this point I'm dying to know who this guy is because the girls seem to be both amused and teeth-suckingly annoyed at what this guy is posting. But I can hardly lead there conversation and when a third friend joins them, they change subject pretty quickly. I'm left with a handful of questions and a strong desire to google this guy... not to mention an odd dislike for light brown boots.
"Did you know English classes go up to like... 4115?" she tells her friend and at this point the pamphlet becomes invisible. Mostly because there information is so wrong, as a 4210 student stands attested to, and I want to tell them how wrong they are. Then again, I’d hate to be rude. I glance over to them as they take their seat beside me in the hall. I later learn they're thirty minutes early for their film class. I’ve become very good at overhearing things, so I’m excited about what other incredibly incorrect comments they can spew out in that short time frame.
"I couldn't do that" the other girl groans, "can you imagine all that writing?"
And I'm thinking that they have no idea.
My eyes are still focusing on the pamphlet but I steal a few glances at the girl across the hall from me. This is the girl in the cowboy boots from earlier, brunette, blue jeans. I notice she has her purse clutched tightly to her side, the loops dangling off her shoulder but the bag pressed into her side as if forming into her. Her ankles form a compressed X. Her blonde friend takes a seat across the hall and pulls out her phone. She begins chatting about some guy I don't know and I’m disappointed in the abrupt change of conversation. I wonder if seeing Sturgis loom past the doorway of one of the classrooms deterred them, but a part of me thinks they might not even know who he is. I soon become bored with them. Aside from noting the slow drawl that lilts from the blonde girl's lips when she has to pronounce a short "a" sound, they're conversation becomes more background noise through a haze of learning.
"Did you hear what he said? Something about putting the brakes on sex."
I come back. Sex always brings you back. At this point I whip out a pen for an exact quote because I know this is going to be gold. The brunette shakes her head, and the blonde friend, now ecstatic, surfs madly through her cell phone. From the way her toe twitches in the corner of my eye I can tell she is not excited about the probably less than 3G service she is getting in this building. She finds it and my pen is already hitting the paper.
"I've got the sex drive, but the spirit is putting the brakes on it. Can you believe that?"
This is funny. Partly because who writes that kind of stuff on facebook? Partly because I know a guy who would write that kind of stuff on facebook. I imagine this guy in my head, some bent and broad smiling ladies’ man, flaunting words to win over attention and facebook likes. At this point I'm dying to know who this guy is because the girls seem to be both amused and teeth-suckingly annoyed at what this guy is posting. But I can hardly lead there conversation and when a third friend joins them, they change subject pretty quickly. I'm left with a handful of questions and a strong desire to google this guy... not to mention an odd dislike for light brown boots.
Classmate Response, Week 1, Entry 1
Response to Melissa's entry: Mawnkey.
Clever entry with a great beginning. Really amusing description of Francesco's actions, the sort of rolling motion that moves in his limbs and the bouncing dialogue create a very amusing opening for this piece. Where I begin to hit the fence is some of the description. I'd rather not suggest that less is more, but perhaps consider which details serve you best. For instance I almost felt the description of Andréa and his brother were unnecessary. I liked the detail of them working in their parents' wine shop, but these things do not come into detail later. It's hard as writers trying to balance enough detail with too much. Looking back on my own writing, I feel like whenever I slipped into character description, though often interesting it came off as amateurish. I feel like there are other ways to suggest character description without using a list. For next time, try weasling in those details bit by bit as the story goes.
I also suggest for future drafts, considering where this draft is headed. Perhaps consider ideas to focus on. We do a lot of bouncing between characters--mostly the three Italian boys. It seems like an interesting experience is happening here--you're in Italy, I know that's like "duh" on the interesting meter--but it's hard to focus on one thing to capture me as a reader when there is so much happening. One of the things I honed in on initially was the soccer scene. Especially the part about how girls don't play soccer. Really said something to me about cultural views on woman--of course, that could have stemmed from some of the debate we had earlier about the expected position of Japanese women once they marry. That aside, maybe this could be your next focus? I feel like you have a good first start. The next attempt should hone in on an idea and I feel like you can shave down on some of the unnecessary bouncing between topics.
Also, just a side note but your response to Andréa in this is just so aloof and amusing I did snicker a few times. Funny stuff.
Clever entry with a great beginning. Really amusing description of Francesco's actions, the sort of rolling motion that moves in his limbs and the bouncing dialogue create a very amusing opening for this piece. Where I begin to hit the fence is some of the description. I'd rather not suggest that less is more, but perhaps consider which details serve you best. For instance I almost felt the description of Andréa and his brother were unnecessary. I liked the detail of them working in their parents' wine shop, but these things do not come into detail later. It's hard as writers trying to balance enough detail with too much. Looking back on my own writing, I feel like whenever I slipped into character description, though often interesting it came off as amateurish. I feel like there are other ways to suggest character description without using a list. For next time, try weasling in those details bit by bit as the story goes.
I also suggest for future drafts, considering where this draft is headed. Perhaps consider ideas to focus on. We do a lot of bouncing between characters--mostly the three Italian boys. It seems like an interesting experience is happening here--you're in Italy, I know that's like "duh" on the interesting meter--but it's hard to focus on one thing to capture me as a reader when there is so much happening. One of the things I honed in on initially was the soccer scene. Especially the part about how girls don't play soccer. Really said something to me about cultural views on woman--of course, that could have stemmed from some of the debate we had earlier about the expected position of Japanese women once they marry. That aside, maybe this could be your next focus? I feel like you have a good first start. The next attempt should hone in on an idea and I feel like you can shave down on some of the unnecessary bouncing between topics.
Also, just a side note but your response to Andréa in this is just so aloof and amusing I did snicker a few times. Funny stuff.
Junkyard Quote Week 1, Entry 2
"On Your Mark, Get Ready, GO!!!!! Magic Dust Is Coming"
Mmkay. Well, I'm not going to lie, I literally copied those exclamation points as was shown in the article, which in and of itself was a wild one--but only from my perspective of course. Someone who is common to psychic articles might find this one quite tame, even boring in its brevity. It was an advertisement saying that all people were psychic and that even the "unconscious" would soon be able to tap into their skills. Eccentric thinking of psychic abilities as magic dust from the magic pot, sprinkling out on everyone in my opinion.
Mmkay. Well, I'm not going to lie, I literally copied those exclamation points as was shown in the article, which in and of itself was a wild one--but only from my perspective of course. Someone who is common to psychic articles might find this one quite tame, even boring in its brevity. It was an advertisement saying that all people were psychic and that even the "unconscious" would soon be able to tap into their skills. Eccentric thinking of psychic abilities as magic dust from the magic pot, sprinkling out on everyone in my opinion.
Oddity Week 1, Entry 1
It was one of the first things that hit me when I read the word, "oddity." I'm not surprised it has a relation to food. I am a food connoisseur after all and one of the things I love most about food is a variety of texture. So when I eat my sandwiches it might not be a far off idea that I like to eat them with chips. Not too much more of a stretch than that is that I like to eat those chips on my sandwich.
The best sandwiches to eat with chips are turkey sandwiches. Smoked turkey, a little mayo, glob of spicy brown mustard, cheese. Layer salty mounds of classic Lays and you get lunchtime genius. You can’t eat them on PB&J sandwiches. That kind of stick sweetness doesn’t deserve the pricked bite of potato chips. It has to be turkey.
When I eat one, I prefer to smash the entire sandwich in my fingers first, feel the crisp potatoes give way through the soft, cool slices of bread, softness not unlike pinching the edges of a new plush throw. It’s almost therapeutic hearing the sound of the chips crushing in my palm, like grinding grit on a smooth curb with the heel of your toe or pounding dead leaves into scraps. There really is no easier way to upgrade the taste of your sandwich. It brings both a crispness and a well-balanced saltiness to the sandwich, as well as a dry texture that compliments really well against the slick slide of mayo on your tongue, or the cool chew of turkey.
It’s weird but I’d suggest it to everyone. Even my sister eats her sandwiches this way now.
The best sandwiches to eat with chips are turkey sandwiches. Smoked turkey, a little mayo, glob of spicy brown mustard, cheese. Layer salty mounds of classic Lays and you get lunchtime genius. You can’t eat them on PB&J sandwiches. That kind of stick sweetness doesn’t deserve the pricked bite of potato chips. It has to be turkey.
When I eat one, I prefer to smash the entire sandwich in my fingers first, feel the crisp potatoes give way through the soft, cool slices of bread, softness not unlike pinching the edges of a new plush throw. It’s almost therapeutic hearing the sound of the chips crushing in my palm, like grinding grit on a smooth curb with the heel of your toe or pounding dead leaves into scraps. There really is no easier way to upgrade the taste of your sandwich. It brings both a crispness and a well-balanced saltiness to the sandwich, as well as a dry texture that compliments really well against the slick slide of mayo on your tongue, or the cool chew of turkey.
It’s weird but I’d suggest it to everyone. Even my sister eats her sandwiches this way now.
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